I'm at a point in my life where I don't really know what I want to do with it. I have so many interests, so many things that I'd like to do. I'm 23 with a degree in chemistry, a grad school drop out and now I'm applying to go to pharmacy school. My worst fear in life is not being successful, but what measures success? Is it the amount of money you make, or doing something that you're really passionate about? I choose the latter.
All my life, I've done well in school, and that's for the most part because my parents enforced having a good education. My drive to become a doctor mainly comes from wanting to fulfill the expectations of my parents. I honestly don't know WTF I want to do. Yea, I love science but is it my passion? I feel I've been so busy trying to be what they want me to be, that I've lost myself. I just don't know. That same lack of passion is what caused me to drop out of the PhD program at Ga Tech in the first place. I'm not incompetent, I mean I got in...clearly. I just am not sure what to do with myself. What's so wrong in taking time off to discover what it is you want to do. I'm now back at home, and I feel like my dad is disappointed that I'm not in school. He's always asking how my applications are going and have I heard from any schools. LEAVE ME ALONE!
If finances weren't so much of an issue, I'd be travelling. That's what I really want to do. School will always be there, but I'm young and in my prime and want to see the world. There's so much more to life than schooling and working. I want to learn, grow, discover different cultures, meet new people. I want to live life to the fullest and not be complacent with the norm. I wasn't born to be complacent. I feel like there's so much ahead of me, but I need to break free. Away from the safety nest, away from beneath my parents wings. I need to not fear what they think because I can only live for myself. It's easier said than done, but the time is soon coming.
I KNOW EXAAACTLY how you feel. I too have never failed and feel challenged by this new threat that is college. I feel like loser because I'm doing community college first before I go to university and I feel that everyone is moving faster than me in life although I know its not a race. I'm afraid that I will fail somehow because a career is not something easily obtained.
ReplyDeleteYou're right. It's hard to obtain a career, especially one that you're truly passionate about. Believe me, you're in no way a loser. Actually, those who attend community college before transcending to a 4 yr college tend to do better. You're on the right path. I feel behind too though. I lot of my friends who graduated with me have already earned their masters degrees, and have jobs...and I'm working call center for AT&T. It sucks ass! lol
ReplyDeleteOMG Joy, you're speaking the story of my life.
ReplyDeleteI think I've become comfortable with the fact that I'm not going to be committed to one job title all my life and to be consumed by a career. I believe we as humans are too complex to be limited to just a career in life. I want to LIVE. Girl, you know I can go on and on lol