Skin Confessions

It really works!  I went from using Clinique Dark Spot Corrector which costs me $75 a bottle to this (which only cost about $15) and I've really seen a difference.  I've been on it for about a month and I've seen great improvement.  It's economical, and seems like it will last me a while.  Definitely worth trying out if you've got dark spots or acne scars.  Yay!

Social Experimentation Gone Wayward...

I don't know where to start. So the conversation arose about how men base their likeness of a person strictly off of looks.  I recall seeing a youtube video of a guy saying that a man will stay in a relationship with a woman simply because she's attractive, even if they have nothing in common and don't mesh personality wise.  I knew this was totally, if not, partially true but being the scientist that I am I decided to put it to the test myself.

Soooo, I created I faux twitter page.  All of the information on it was real, the conversations I had were genuine, the only thing fake was the photo...and my name of course.  The photo was of a, what society would call, beautiful light skinned long haired young woman, and in black in white.  I've only had this account open for about 3 weeks and already have almost 300 followers.  You wouldn't believe all of the compliments I've received, requests for my phone number, one person even insisting on travelling to come visit me...and believe me, they were serious.

Now, I know I [the real me] have a great personality, which is what I displayed for the faux page but I'm sure it wasn't sheer personality that they were going for.  The ones I kind of vibed with, I followed on my REAL twitter page.  Of the 4 people I followed, 2 followed back but only 1 actually tweeted me...after I tweeted him first.  All of these individuals followed me first and initiated conversation on the faux account.

This is where shit gets real.  One person in particular I really vibed with.  I felt bad getting along with him so well cause I knew it would come to the point of him wanting my number and I would have to disclose the fact that it was a fake pic.  That point came today and I was crushed.  I felt so bad for being so misleading.  I could have cancelled the account when my initial point was proven, but I was actually having fun with that alternate page.  I really never wanted things to go this far.  So anyway, I tell him that't not my real pic and he says "what does that have to do with the way we vibe"...

He logged off before I could explain to him that the pic has everything to do with the way we vibe.  As a matter of fact, I followed him on my real page, tweeted him and have never gotten a response. I'm still the same witty, sarcastic, and funny individual but like I said people can't see past looks.

All this to say, people who say beauty is only skin deep, and it's what's inside that counts are full of shit.  It seems like relationships, even friendships, are based off of the physical which is really sad to say cause you're missing out on some really great people.

I want to go ahead and delete the account, but I'm hoping he logs back on so that I can finish explaining myself before I miss the opportunity to talk to him again.  I really can't believe I care this much.  It would be nothing for me to say fuck it and get over it, but he actually expressed his attractiveness to my personality...so he says.  I just kind of feel caught in the middle of a predicament that I've created for myself.

I'm gonna keep all future experimentation in the laboratory. Lol

Haters

I always hear people talk about their haters and think that they are exaggerating or just talking to make themselves seem important, but I've come to find out that I have some myself.  It's the ones who call themselves your "friend" that you have to be the most careful about.  This one hater in particular is not one that I would call a friend, but an acquaintance if you will.  As a matter of fact, I'm not too fond of her but she is a coworker whom I've been giving a ride to since her car has been out of service.  All she does all day is complain and tell stories about the drama in her like.  "that nigga ain't shit, I hate my family, he this, she that"...I mean where does it end???  I on the other hand have no drama.  I love my family, I love my life, and I honestly have nothing to complain about. Today I found out that this is something that she is envious of and I can't be mad.  My life is pretty awesome and I'm thankful for all that I have and the people around me.

I guess all this is to say that you have to be careful the people you let around you.  I'm very selective about those who I call my friend and she is definitely not one that would ever fit in that category.  I wish I could cut her off completely.  I've been nice in doing what I've done with giving her a ride when she needs it.  I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing, being my wonderful self and blocking the haters.  

Castle Walls

It's so hard for me to let people in...I'm so closed.  I don't like talking about myself or letting people into my personal life. Even those that I consider my closest friends don't know much about me.  I put up so many walls, masking my fear with sarcasm and humor.  I have one friend who is really trying to get to know me.  He asks every question under the sun and I always counter with something deflecting the answer.  I appreciate his persistence, though I question his motives.  What is it that he really wants from me.  Why is it that he wants to know so much.  Is he just nosy? Does he think I'm some psychology project...what is he trying to prove?  Is he just into people? If so why me.  I know I shouldn't be so cynical but I have to question people's intentions.

I really want to try to open up and let people in.  It would be hard to be in any substantial relationship without doing so but that just leaves you open to vulnerability...I hate feeling vulnerable. I think I'm too much of a controlling person and won't let life happen.  I have to have everything planned out, always anticipating what will happen next to avoid any disorder.  I let my fears get in the way of a lot of things.  I've come to learn that life without fear is true happiness...the hard part is ridding your life of fear.  We all have it, some more than others.  If only I could release my fears, all of my inhibitions and escape from this box that I'm in.  People remain in their comfort zones and the irony is that they're not comfortable at all because they're always wondering "what if".  I'm really trying to get over that.  Perhaps this is something I should work on this coming year.  No more "what if's" because you never know until you actually DO!